It seems that, the more I keep pushing forward, the less I'm leaning on this. I'm not ignoring it intentionally, I just feel like an idiot at the thought of constantly having entries that are merely 'Today, nothing happened', or some variant thereof. I like to write when I feel the need to, whether for good or for bad.
This definitely turned out to be one of the 'good' ones. I'm writing this on the last night of my visiting my parents for Thanksgiving.
...Yeah, I'll wait for the shock to dissipate. I've got all night.
Kidding aside, I know it seems counter-intuitive that I'm here. Many people who know me and know what I've dealt with over the past eleven months or so were worried about my visiting. But I wanted to test the waters for myself, so to speak. To put it simply, I've been tired of the 'can I or can't I go home' Limbo I've been stuck in since last December. Even though Mom had told me I could visit if I wanted, I still wasn't totally sure it was necessarily a good idea. So Thanksgiving was to be a test-run of sorts. I was extending an olive branch, to see how my parents would handle me visiting. If they were negative, then I wouldn't have any qualms about staying away. If they were neutral-to-positive, I'd see about visiting whenever I could.
So this first visit back home in nearly a year overall was good. There were one or two little snags, but all in all no really huge issues. The 'snags' were things that their past behavior set up to happen in some ways, so I hope they weren't too surprised at them happening. But they've been interested in my schooling, interested in what classes I'm still needing, giving what input/advice they can, and taking care of me without necessarily enabling me or letting me off the hook. I'm still answering to them and to my aunt; they'll all kill me if I give up now.
They have made promises to me that I hope to hold them to, especially where a vehicle is concerned. I was told that they'll help me get a vehicle if I save up $3-$5K towards it. That seems totally doable on my end, so why not?
I have something of a theory about all of this: Simply put, I think we needed space from each other. My parents were operating under the assumption that I knew exactly what they wanted and needed, whereas I was wanting them to tell me what they needed from me. It just kept building from there until things fell apart. My being away for nearly a year before this visit allowed us all to cool off, catch our breath, and just have space from one another to work through things. (My going to CSUN certainly seems to help with all of that, I think.) I think from here there's a good chance of things working better.
Guess we'll see where things go from here. (Oh yeah. Mom made the remark that, based on his behavior towards me, she thinks I've likely outgrown Justin. At this point in time -as well as the foreseeable future- that feels like an accurate assessment.
