Okay, I've had enough of this. For all his whinging about my purported 'issues', Justin has far more than his own fair share of them. The worst part now is he tells Becky (in a manner that he seems to think is behind my back) that I'm manipulative. I kid you not. He essentially said that, because I grew up in a household where most of my needs were met, I can tend to want to manipulate things so I can get my way. (In case you hadn't already guessed, I'm still waiting for specific instances in which I've been manipulative any more than any other normal human being.) Becky confirmed to me that I'm as far from manipulative as anyone she might know, so I'm going to call BS on him.
His childish behavior is getting old very quickly. He wanted to remain friends, yet he continues to treat me like shit. He talks behind my back like a fucking high school student, but won't say anything to me directly about things. He whinges when he doesn't get his way, but won't let anyone else have their way from time to time. In short, he's an arrogant prick who really has little-to-no reason to be arrogant. It's all really pathetic.
I'll say it right here. The guy has far more issues than the petty few of mine he's so gleefully latched onto. His run much deeper and are more damaging to him than mine could ever be to me. I hate to play the tit-for-tat game, but once he actually makes an effort to help himself by getting the psychological help he needs, then I'll do the same for any of my own lingering troubles. The fact that he's too damn blind and arrogant to see what he's doing and how to fix himself leads me to have little confidence in that matter.
I guess in short, I'm tired. Tired of his arrogance, his attempts to degrade me, his insults, the backbiting he does in the hopes of winning sympathy from Becky (which he's losing based on how he's treating me)...I could go on. I'd hate to cut him out 150%, but he's starting to leave me no choice. I will say, once I start down that path, it won't be so easy to find me, nor will I be as sweet and gentle as I have been toward the person. I don't want to have to cut him off -especially since he swears he wants to remain friends- but why should I tolerate his shit when he throws a tantrum?
His delusions of grandeur and his manipulative arrogance really make me just want to throw my hands in the air and walk away from him. But he still means a great deal to me, and right now I can't turn my back on him. Once he gets the help he so desperately needs, maybe things will be better. Until then, the arrogant prick (who is so different than he was when we first started dating) is running out of support from even me.
Speaking of manipulation, I'm just going to come out and say it. I feel as though I was lied to for an entire year. I feel like I can't trust anything Justin has told me, because he essentially lied to me for the year we were together. And that makes me so incredibly sad. He always treated me so well during the first year, now he's just an arrogant bastard. All the time she told me how he loved me, many of the ways he treated me...none of it makes sense. Jerk. What, am I supposed to be a porcelain doll with limited motion so he can mold me to his liking. I say 'Fuck. No."
Great, I need sleep.
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