Freewrite 7/25: Cut

In short, it's done.  I hated to do it, but I had to.  There really wasn't any better way to do it.

As I'd said in my last posting (and a fair few before that) Justin wasn't treating me with the respect I was promised.  He always said he wouldn't abandon me, yet he essentially did just that.  He stabbed me in the back, just as he backstabbed Vic and Jared.  The worst part about it is that we all wanted to remain friends with him.  We wanted him to succeed, wanted everything for him that a friend would want.  But he is the only one who could do what was necessary, and he never really did.

I find all of this incredibly sad.  I wanted him to succeed, wanted to support him in pursuing a goal that is extremely difficult to achieve.  I know he can do it.  But I also know my own emotional and mental state come first.  He has repeatedly shown that he just doesn't care about anything that isn't related to him in some remote manner.  He has shown that he can't even live up to his own words and promises, nor will he make any sort of attempt to do so.  When he's called on it, he constantly tries to project blame onto the other party, claiming they're the ones with the issues, instead of being a man and owning up to his mistakes.  I really could go on, but it would be redundant at kindest, so why bother rehashing them again?

Having been encouraged to by my good friends, I sent him a message officially cutting him off.  I didn't do it to be hateful, or cruel, but so that he can get himself on track without bringing me down with him.  I'll be starting at CSUN next month (already have my classes picked out!  I'm excited!), and I can't let someone like him adversely affect my academic goals.  I encouraged him to get the help that I know he knows he needs, even though he is averse to therapy.  I also encouraged him to further his own acting potential by trying to go back and get an acting degree.  I guess in spite of everything, I still want him to succeed and don't want him to flounder.  Ball's in his court from here, lets see how he plays with it.

And who knows?  If he can show me lasting courtesy and respect, if he can show he's actually improving, maybe he'll be back in my life again.  Considering his track record to this point, I have to concur with my friend, Vic.  He hasn't done so to this point, so chances are good he still won't follow through, he'll still want things done the 'easy' way.  But I do still care for him, and all I can do is hope he actually does what he knows he must.