Justin made me think of this topic, so my other topic will be today's second post.
I am a liar. I'll admit it right upfront. Now, before anyone says 'But Andrea, aren't we all in some way?' I'll tell you how I'm different. I'm a liar because I am afraid. I'm a liar because I don't know how to tell people things that are less than pleasant. I lie because I'm trying to protect myself. Yes, even away from the circumstances that encouraged the development of this trait, it's still manifesting.
And that's what pushed me to seek therapy. That's the last straw that made me go 'Okay, enough putting it off. I'm going to get help, like, yesterday'. Seeing how I hurt someone who has tried her damndest to help me hurt me more than I can really articulate. I had no reason to, yet I did. It's an asinine self-defense mechanism that I can't get rid of, kinda like trying to pry apart two things held together with Super Glue.
I made a list that I'll eventually put up on here tomorrow. It's a list of what I want to get out of my sessions. And one of those items is to figure out how to break down these old mechanisms so I stop relying on them. I don't need them, and in fact I need to get rid of them in a hurry. But it's not a process I can do alone; it's so ingrained in me that I need help getting rid of it.
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