This will be one of those rare freewrites that I do during the course of my day, as opposed to when I get home this evening. I noticed it a bit last night, and even moreso this morning.
Justin often tells me (in so many words) that I've been letting myself be too insular. I'm sociable, but I don't necessarily like to socialize. It can get to the point that, if there's an opportunity to socialize with people, I'll do so for a short time before retreating and doing a solitary activity like reading or sitting/standing by myself.
Why? I'm not completely sure. Part of it is my wiring. While I am outgoing and sociable, I do have a limit, especially in newer environments and/or situations. When that limit is hit, I withdraw a bit to let myself relax, lest I start feeling panicky and/or anxious about people being around me. This is especially true when there are a lot of mostly-unfamiliar people surrounding me whom I'm starting to get to know.
I guess the other part is not being sure how to fully connect with people. I'm the type who, when I'm into something, I go into it wholeheartedly. I could talk for hours about some topics (and often do, just ask Justin or anyone else who knows me really well), while others I have little clue about. This can make it hard for me to connect with people, since my interests aren't quite mainstream. It's why I'm glad I'm meeting and getting to know my Mortuary Science classmates. I think one hard thing about my being away from my family is missing the interest they -especially Mom- took in what I was doing in class. She and I could talk about my classes all day if we let ourselves, and Dad took interest here and there as well. Up here? I feel like I'm pretty much on my own. So I'm glad I have a few people I can talk to who don't give me funny looks for going on about funeral homes or anatomy, or othersuch.
Lastly, in case you couldn't already guess, I find I miss my family every so often. I hope I can talk with them and let them know how I'm doing very soon.
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