So I had another therapy appointment today.
Wait, before anyone says 'but Andrea, you just had an appointment on Monday', let me explain. To save on transit costs, I switched therapy days from Mondays to Wednesdays. So I have switched from Ashley to Penny, who is still an incredible individual who had a lot to share with me.
I opened up to her about the troubles I've been having, from the issues I started with Cindy, to my grief at leaving Ramona, to some of my other feelings about everything from school to Justin. She let me cry, let me vent, let me do whatever I needed to do. (She also agreed the freewriting is a good thing.) She gave me some great insight about guys and relationships, among other things.
When our session ended, I asked her if there was anything she wanted me to work on between now and next week. She told me to focus on de-clinging myself from Justin. She emphasized that the more I tried to stay close to him, the further he'd want to go. So I'm going to take her advice and mostly disengage with him from here. Don't get me wrong, I'll still be around if he wants to talk, or if he has a question about anything. But I won't be trying to talk with him or spend time with him every chance I get. I'll let him initiate things much more, rather than jumping in to talk to him every chance I get. With a bit of luck, we'll each do better from here.
Another thing today made me realize is just how much my family still affects me. Dad tends to have a temper, and when he goes off, he rages. It's a mix of frightening and annoying when it happens, but I had no idea how much it affected me until Penny got me thinking. It would explain my own fearfulness, especially when asking for things I need. I found it hard to ask for anything, since I was so scared of the reaction I would get. Hopefully, I can get around that fearfulness and be more open with time.
In other news, I know I'm doing better. How? On the trip home, I met someone new. More than that, I talked with him and really enjoyed it. His name is Arnel, and he's a Navy recruiter who works down at the Puente Hills mall. While initially he was interested in me mainly due to my past military interest (and my 95 score in the ASVAB last year), but he also showed interest in my studies as a Mortuary Science student. I suggested we spend time together here and there as friends, and he seems open to it. So we shall see. I'm gradually feeling more open and comfortable with things, to where I feel like I can be much more sociable.
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