So today I had a full day, which I just came back from. I worked for someone Cindy (and from what I hear, Justin) knew, cleaning out her horse stalls. It was good, tiring work that has left me with stiff shoulders and a sore back, but I feel good, all in all.
It also let me really let go. I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried a few times while I was working. (Hey, if the worst I have to be worried about is being judged by three horses, a donkey, and a bunch of manure, then I should be in pretty good shape, amirite?) I let myself really miss my family, miss where I came from.
And I do miss them very much. I miss Mom and Dad, Steph, and James. I miss the girls, I miss Max and Marley. I miss the town I'm from, the people I knew there (and in the surrounding areas)...all of it. It hurts to be this far away and not know when I'll go back and visit. It hurts to not have Mom nearby to talk about school and how classes are going, or to hear one of Dad's stories about his days back in Davenport when he went to Chiropractic school. Everything just...hurts like hell. It hurts like hell and I have to fight through it to feel better.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up on making my way here. I've got a job hunt to do, along with three semesters to finish school, get my degree, and get my license. I've got a lot of work ahead of me to keep me busy. It's just so hard sometimes, when I feel disconnected and scared and I start to worry I won't make it. Then I remember what lies ahead when I do, and it's just enough to keep me moving forward.
And hey. That's all I can do when the chips seem down, isn't it?
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