I'll be upfront in admitting this. I'm feeling a tiny bit demotivated by all the personal crap I'm dealing with. Why? Keep reading.
In talking with Justin, he essentially keeps reiterating how 'not happy' he is, how I'm a girlfriend he never sees (and no, he doesn't want to schedule time to see me, as that's not 'fun' in his book), and he's even suggested I let him go so he can try to find someone more compatible for him.
Now, as I said yesterday, he was always telling me not to fixate on him, to find my own life and my own interests outside of him. He even was telling me he would break up with me if Cindy kicked me out and took me back to San Diego. So I worked to stay where I currently am. Yet I still lose, and for reasons that feel incredibly selfish to me. I'm not even being given a chance to try and work things so there's more time in my life for him.
So I lose either way. Either I went back to San Diego and lost him that way, or I work to improve myself and I lose him because I'm not as 'available' as I used to be. I'm not giving up on things here, but the fact that the outcome is the same regardless of the choices I make isn't exactly the greatest motivator. I've accepted him and his flaws 150%, and loved him regardless of things that have happened, yet I can't get the same courtesy for this brief point of time in my life when I'm trying to settle myself 150% and trying to acclimate fully to a new life with new experiences.
My gut tells me letting him go is a bad idea all-around. Other than that, I'm not sure.
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