Note that this post may get rather angry at points. I just had this happen to me last night, and I'm trying to process it even this morning.
So I saw Justin for a few hours last night. He picked me up from work, we went and got a bit to eat, and I tried to have something of a good time with him. It...really didn't go as I'd expected it would. The guy was essentially a sulky, glaring child throughout most of the time we spent together, and that was even BEFORE he dropped what to me felt like something of a bombshell.
In essence, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Apparently, between school, work/job-hunting, and so forth (read: trying to SURVIVE here), I don't have the time for him that he feels he so desperately needs. He doesn't like that a) I can't be with him for all these couple-y things he enjoys doing, and b) I'm not as readily available to sleep over with him like I was. In short, he essentially suggested we be 'Friends With Benefits' because he was feeling like he was putting all this effort out with little immediate gain, even though I'll have more free time when I have breaks/vacations.
My thoughts, especially after sleeping on it? Fuck. No.
How fucking dare he do this to me. How dare he think of me as arm candy, something to show off because he's tired of being the nth wheel at an outing, instead of enjoying the time he spends with friends. How dare he ask me to downgrade things simply because I currently don't have the zillions of hours of free time to dote on him the way I used to. Um, hello? Did he forget that I'm trying to stay where I am, that I really don't want to be kicked out of here? If he wants me to have so much free time to fawn over him, then he needs to do as Cindy suggested and pony up money for my rent. I know he can't afford that.
And in the end, how FUCKING dare he treat me like I'm only here for physical intimacy (read: sex) as opposed to anything else. I am not a goddamn sex toy, I am a human being with her own wants and feelings. Do I enjoy the physical intimacy? Yes. Is sex the only way to achieve it? No, and it's enraging to feel like that's about the only reason he wants to be with me. I suggested even just cuddling together, and he didn't want to do that. He didn't want to do anything that invited closeness that would also interrupt his little glare-filled tantrum. Seriously, he has his right hand and the entire internet. He will NOT die from lack of sex while waiting for me to have time to spend with him.
But I'll tell anyone reading this something. I am NOT giving him what he wants. I am NOT downgrading my own emotions (and by extension, this relationship) because he's a sulking child. I am NOT changing anything or giving things up in my life simply so he can have his way. I refuse to stoop to that level. If he doesn't like it? That's too damn bad. I'm going to keep on going forward (singing my song, as I told Cindy last night while we were talking) and he's going to have to get used to this sort of thing for a while.
I always told him I have a good feeling about our relationship. But if he can't grow up and treat me like a decent human being who is developing a life outside of him, then fuck him. I have better ways to spend my life.
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