I didn't really have anything to write about yesterday besides odds and ends, so I thought I would save up for today. And I do have a fair bit on my mind, most of it directed at me.
Let me sum it up in two questions, both aimed at myself. Why is it that I can't ask when I'm unsure of things? Why is it I assume something is all right when it really isn't?
It's the big issue right now that's causing strife with Cindy, and it's all my doing. I admit it, it's totally my fault. I don't seem to think about asking her about things when I'm unsure, so I take/use what I'm not supposed to and it upsets her. And it upsets her quite a bit.
Truth be told, I'm not sure why I can't get this. I'm wondering if I'm still in that transitional 'guest to roommate' phase, and as such I'm still adjusting to being a roommate as opposed to a guest or family member. See, on thinking about it, a lot of what I do was automatic when I lived with my parents. There was food available, I could eat it. There was something I needed, I could take it. There wasn't the same back-and-forth as there is now, so I'm really going to have to police myself to make sure I don't keep doing this. It's not good for either of us.
Today, I'm also a bit anxious about money and everything attached to it. Yes, I got a job. Yes, my new boss is flexible and willing to work with my schedule. But it's not going to be anything all that lucrative, since I'm pretty much limited to work on weekends and 'shoulder' times (Monday and Friday, to be specific). I do also have an active unemployment claim, but a) I know how that can easily be denied, and b) it may be reduced with my working this job part-time. So I'm not totally sure what to do about rent and othersuch if I did want to stay here, asides from giving up school (which I'd hate to do, I'm doing so well with it!). One other option I do have is to apply with the mortuaries in Orange County that also offer student housing. They're full currently, but they anticipate openings coming up as the semester ends in May/June. There is one in Anaheim, one in Fullerton, and one in Buena Park. Now, this isn't ideal; one of my classmates lives at the Fullerton one, and he says there are a fair few drawbacks to working for room & board there. But when the alternative is the possibility of being homeless (or risking further exacerbating things here), it might be a good option to explore.
I guess we shall see.
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