Tomorrow would have been our anniversary. The guy didn't even want to make the effort to last an entire year; he petered out pretty much at the last minute (and just before FAIRE, when he and I often would do things together). Believe me when I say that this hurts more than words could ever fully quantify. That he would take an event (Faire) and a milestone (a one-year anniversary) and totally disregard both of them when he knows their meaning to me shows what a true jackass he is.
But then, why am I surprised? This is a guy who really hasn't got a clue. He's already lost a number of friends due to his behavior, and I'm still going back and forth on whether or not I want to remain friends with him. I may not be perfect myself (in fact, I know I'm not), but I do know where he can work on things.
~He needs to grow up and STOP WHINING. Seriously, this is the number-one thing I hear from people about him. He whines when he doesn't get his way, he whines when he gets his way because 'things aren't how he expected them to be' or somesuch, then he whines when things change because he's 'OMG, so lonely/busy/life sucks/whatever'. Really? Seriously? Man up and talk like a reasonable person, and maybe people won't think you're an annoying git. He also needs to stop with the 'Waaaaahhh! Things aren't going my way so I'll throw a pseudo-angry fit!' that he's lobbed at me a few times. I didn't cave when my Dad threw fits like that, so I won't cave when anyone else does either.
~He needs to STOP with the condescending talk about things which he has NO FUCKING CLUE. He seriously told me that 5-6 months is 'plenty of time' to be over the issues I dealt with back in San Diego. I'd love to introduce him to people whom I have met who have NEVER gotten over the trauma their parent(s) inflicted on them. Honestly, he is the son of a Psychiatrist! You would think he would have at least a cursory understanding of trauma and healing when it comes to mental health issues. But no. He would speak down to me about them, then tell me I'm 'overreacting' and that I need to read his Dad's book. Pfffft, like a book has all the answers for every single situation and nuance that comes up. Um, how about 'I read it, it has some good information, but it's not a cure-all, so fuck you'?
Example from Sunday: He knows damn well that I still have issues with my mother. Yet, he STILL chose to use an analogy that triggered me when it comes to her. He told me about how a 'mother bird has to kick the baby bird out of the nest'. Yeah, I already had that happen...and it was something I would NEVER wish on anyone else. Needless to say, he got a very loud earful on that one.
In short, he needs to know when to offer advice to others and when to just shut up. He's hardly an expert, his experience/knowledge is NOT one size fits all, and he needs to learn and understand that.
(On a side-note in terms of the whole 'family' thing, it seems like he superficially understands how painful things are for me, but because his own family is so loving and supportive, he can't allow himself to fully relate. Yet another reason he should shut up and learn from other people and their experiences.)
~He needs to learn to keep his ego in check, to stop making himself the center of attention, and to actually talk to people and treat them properly. It often feels like he doesn't want a girlfriend more than he wants a 'See? I'm not gay!' piece of arm candy who won't give him any trouble. That way, he doesn't have to change, to learn to properly communicate, to do anything that might upset his worldview. There were a lot of times when he and I would argue that it felt like I could have helped head off trouble had he merely communicated things better to me, or apologized when/if there was a misunderstanding. I've told him he needs to learn to balance between him and the other person during interactions, but he still refuses to get it. And that will hold him back personally and professionally in more ways than anyone could count.
I could go on, but I'll leave it here for now.
In the end, I don't know. I feel like I'm picking on him, picking him apart, whatever you want to call it, but I feel like it has to be said. I'm still friends with one friend of his who had cut him off, and she said she's still waiting for him to actually start growing up before she'll even consider letting him back into her life. And the only reason her boyfriend hasn't cut him off is similar to my own reasoning; all we're doing is seeing just how badly he can disappoint us before we leave. And really, if those of us who really care about him leave, what does that leave him with?
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