I feel like I've failed in some ways in all of this.
I go into relationships to work with the other person so we both can be happy. Obviously, I was happy with Justin. I loved his company, wanted to spend more time with him, wanted to do things with him...anything I could to keep getting to know who he was. But I couldn't make him happy. As hard as I might try, as much effort as I kept trying to put in, I couldn't do it. I kept trying, but it wasn't enough. I gave what I could, but it wasn't enough. I love him, even as I feel like I completely failed, like I can't do anything right.
Sometimes I wonder if Mom's snide little comment about being unwanted is more accurate than I'll let myself admit. Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever be happy....
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