I hate hormones.
Piggybacking on the title of last night's writing, no wonder I feel rather unsteady right now. I can be so perfectly focused and level-headed, but inject just enough extra hormones and I can't do 99% of what I normally do without feeling like I'm going to melt down. It's really not all that enjoyable. It especially annoys me when I do some little thing I enjoy -like looking at the horizon at sunrise- and suddenly feeling myself tear up. Look, I have enough trouble on a regular basis without the extra moodiness screwing with me further.
Otherwise, I feel more steady than I did. I messaged Justin to ask what sort of limits he has on things for the time being, among other things. I hope things are as straightforward as he's made them out to be, and that there won't be any of the goalpost-moving I worried last night might happen. I'm putting a lot of faith into all of this as I work on things on my end, without much of a guarantee that any effort I put in will suffice. I can just keep working on things and hope it does. (I also can hope he'll actually share things like this with me, and not wait until I've asked him three or four times. I prefer being on the right page as close to the start as possible, instead of waiting until I'm a third of the way in.)
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