Freewrite 3/21: Support

Things have been good since my last bit of writing.  Work has been going great, I finally am making enough money to pay rent, and I've started paying for more of my own expenses around here, as opposed to relying on Cindy for everything.  It's a great feeling to stock up my own cupboard with food, to pay for more of what I use.  I really do hope that I'm taking a load off her shoulders with doing this.  I will have to make some short-term sacrifices for the time being -things like Faire and other fun stuff- but I hope I'll be up to 150% before too long.

So last night was DungeonMaster again.  Due to my having a slow work day, I was able to get home in time to attend (I wasn't planning on going until I was cut loose early from work.  Already-slow Sundays + rain = even slower than normal Sundays.  Joy.), so I asked Cindy if I could go with her.  We got there after stopping for Korean pizza (never tried it before, but I can see why she loves it!) and we just got there before Justin arrived.

To keep this from turning into a mundane blow-by-blow, I'll put it this way.  I was selected again.  He wasn't.  I had a good time, participated a bit more than I had the last time (even if the entire party got slaughtered/lost in time and space by the end), and went down in a blaze of glory.  It was fun.  I got the feeling, however, that he really wasn't all that supportive of me in the process.  He admitted that DM tends to not be a lot of fun for him unless he goes up and performs, due to his lacking friends there.  (Complicating things now, due to upcoming commitments he has, he likely won't make it to future DM nights until the last one.)  To him, it seems that cheering from the audience really isn't as enjoyable as participating, even if his girlfriend is participating.  In short, the way I'd support him when/if he's ever chosen.

When I say I want 'support' from him, I don't feel I'm really asking for a lot.  To start, I'd love to have him really be happy for me when I get selected.  I'm still so new to DM that I'm always excited when I'm chosen.  I'd be happy cheering on the party from the audience, but I do enjoy getting picked and going up.  I really appreciate the DM cast for making a new girl feel so welcome in their theatre.  I'm meeting new people there, and really enjoying myself, as opposed to remaining withdrawn and insular.  I know Justin has mentioned wanting me to meet more people so I'm not glomming onto him as much, so this has to be a plus.  (And again, I ramble...)  Secondly, it would be nice to talk about the episode with him without worrying he'll pull a 'woe is me, I didn't get chosen to play' or a 'why can't I make Guardian?  Why does no one like me?' out in the course of the chat.  Cindy and I talk about how things went, and she encourages me to keep playing and getting better.  I'd love to hear similar from him, without worrying he'll nitpick my performance, or tell me how HE would have done things differently, or some other such.

In short?  He knows how I would treat him if he were chosen to play and I wasn't.  All I ask is that he be able to treat me in the same manner, to support me as I would him.  I would hope that it isn't too much to ask.

To his credit, I did notice he was more subdued last night, though whether that has to do with the crummy weather or not is anyone's guess.  But he certainly wasn't turned up to eleven, trying too hard to be the center of attention like he was the prior time.  I felt like he was a bit more observant of me and how I interacted with others (I'd suggested he try watching me to see how I talk to people), and he definitely seemed quieter in many respects last night.  I hope that, along with his gradually confiding in me more, are good signs.  I hope he's willing to work with me on things he needs to improve about himself, because I want to see him a success.