Freewrite 3/3: Out of my element

(Technically, I was going to write this last night, but wound up too tired to put it together.)


Coming home yesterday after class, I realized how out of my element I'm still feeling.  I'm still used to where I came from: a small town setting with a much lower population density and a lot more room.  Suburbs and cities feel so...crowded to me.  They were always great to visit, but I never liked staying too long.  Mm, guess it's just something to get used to.

Sometimes I forget I've only been up here for a few months.  I feel like I should be past a lot of what I feel, then I remember I haven't been here for that long.  It's all still part of the adjustment process, and I'll get through it soon enough.  I have a lot going for me, and a lot of people willing to help and to cheer me on.

I talked with Mom the other night.  I know, I'd said I would try to limit contact with home since it was always so negative, but this time felt much more positive.  I told her how I've been doing in school, and she seemed happy for me.  I then asked her if it was important to her that I be doing something -even something as unorthodox as Mortuary Science- and she answered that she didn't care what I did as long as a) I was doing something (whether school or full-time work or something else) and b) that I'm happy with it.  That really has taken a load off me in terms of my feelings toward my parents.  I still miss them, but it doesn't hurt the same way it had before.  Not now that I know better what she's thinking (not overt, 150% approval, but not total disapproval either).

As far as things with Justin, all in all I'm feeling pretty good.  I wasn't sure how I'd handle things when he and I talked about it a while back, but I'm feeling more settled about it now.  I'd by lying if I said I didn't miss him now and then, but it's more in the sense of being wishful (ie, wanting to spend time with him every so often) as opposed to anything painful.  I'm handling things pretty well, still working on my goals and making gradual progress.  I don't have a whole lot of time, but I feel like I have enough to get somewhere.  Even if we don't talk all that much, I still send as much love and support his direction as I can.  I know things aren't ideal for him either, and I hope they level out soon.

So in short, life is still life, and I'm still living.  I know what I need to do to keep moving ahead, and I'm going to do it, no matter what.  As always, support and love are appreciated.