As promised, that morning writing that I said I'd hammer out once I got some sleep and became more lucid (even slightly).
So yes. My venting blog post from last night got his attention. To be honest, I'm not even sure why all that still was bothering me. I'd gone through the same things a couple weeks back, worked through them, and essentially thought that was that. Apparently it wasn't, as all that crap rebounded in a rather annoying manner. Still, between writing it all out and firing up my 360 to kill things, I felt better.
I do feel bad that I triggered him so badly, that really wasn't my intention. Granted, he did have that anime convention he went to, and I'm sure his being tired after the weekend didn't help things on his end very much. But I'd meant it to let things out, not upset him. Still, it ended up being something constructive, as he shared a bit more with me about him. He admitted he didn't want me totally out of his life, but that he didn't know what he wanted from me, from us, or even from himself. Honestly, it's not an incredibly huge surprise to hear that from him; I've had a feeling along those lines for some time. I reminded him that we're both still learning in all this, and we need to be patient and to help one another.
He talked about how he didn't really feel he needed my support, and how he didn't want to share too much for fear of burdening me with his troubles. Honestly, I love the guy beyond all sense, but he can be an idiot. Of course he needs my support, just as he needs support from anyone. No man is an island, no matter how much he might say otherwise. He can't do everything on his own, and the thought of him trying is rather difficult to accept. It's not going to hurt him to lean on people a little bit more, none of us who truly care for him will mind at all. I know I wouldn't.
And seriously, he would not be a burden to me if he shared more of his thoughts or his feelings. Will I completely, totally, 150% understand everything? Probably not, but then he doesn't always understand things about me either. Would it be helpful to him to share more with me? I think so, even if he doesn't agree. Would he be a burden? Hell. No. To put things in perspective, I am a Chiropractor's daughter for starters, meaning I've seen and heard from people about their lives for as long as I can remember. I've also had over two years direct patient care experience in a hospital setting, and now I'm starting in an industry where people come in at their worst, emotion-wise. Trust me, he would never be a burden on me. I would sit and listen, offer input where I could...whatever I needed to do to let him vent. Then I'd go about my day. That's that.
But in the end, methinks much of this is rather moot. I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do; he has to make that decision for himself. So we shall see.
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